Vials of Ivory
by Kathey27
Summary: Ruby has never been good at asking for what she wants. / Or, It ignites the night he threatens to shoot you. He holds the gun to your face, all sneers and insults and as you disappear into the darkness all you can think of is how bright his eyes had shone. Impressions 'verse.


**A/N: I don't even know what possessed me to write this because I have no love for whoever it was in season 4 pretending to be Ruby (That. Was. Not. Her -_-) but I hope it came out okay and that you guys like.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned anything would I really be here writing it when I could be making it happen?**

**xxxxxx**

**vials of ivory:**

I.

It ignites the night he threatens to shoot you. He holds the gun to your face, all sneers and insults and as you disappear into the darkness all you can think of is how bright his eyes had shone.

II.

You save him because while his mouth spits out hatred, his eyes flash out fear.

III.

You tell him your secrets that night because you get the feeling he'll understand and that he won't judge.

IV.

You were wrong.

V.

You keep your distance because you're not sure you can handle being in the same breathing space as him and damn it, you should have known this would happen.

VI.

You become addicted to his scent and before you know it you're going to sleep with his eyes and freckles tainting your mind.

VII.

When you accept the fact that he's now engraved into your blood all you can do is cry.

VIII.

You ignore his comments at your expense because a part of you had known he wouldn't have gone for the whole virgin sacrifice deal.

IX.

When you go back and see they're still alive the air that'd been absent for the last few hours returns to your lungs and then disappears all over again because when he looks at you all he sees is 'demon'.

X.

Despite the lie you'd told them you search for a way to save him. You know he'd never forgive you for corrupting his baby brother so you look for ways to save them both.

XI.

You fail. Naturally.

XII.

Lilith wins and you get sent down under and they torture you with pictures of him and his death and they gnaw away at your remaining humanity.

XIII.

In the end you give in and betray them because the part of you that'd lusted – _**loved**_ – him had died with him.

XIV.

On your way out of the gates you pretend you don't hear him calling – _**screaming, pleading**_ – your name.

XV.

The younger Winchester falls easily into your lies and smiles because he's broken and alone and needs something to breathe into.

XVI.

When the taller Winchester touches your borrowed skin and kisses your stolen lips you close your eyes so instead of green it's hazel and instead of soft you feel rough.

XVII.

You cut your wrists for the brother and though you try to fight it, a thrill goes through you at the thought of being the one to end him.

XVIII.

Hell changed you. That's your excuse.

XIX.

It's all going good and fine and you're winning and then _he_ returns and you feel all the poison leave your body because he's back and he'll fix it and make it all okay.

XX.

He slams you against walls and demands to know why you're doing this and all you can feel is relief because he's him and he'll save you from Lilith.

XXI.

He doesn't figure it out.

XXII.

You continue to lie and cut and whisper softly even though you want to tell and sleep and scream.

XXIII.

You ignore the angels as best you can because you know you're too far gone to be saved.

XXIV.

You lead Alastair to them and only feel the slightest bit of hurt when you see what it does to him.

XXV.

He can't have you anymore.

XXVI.

You run your – her – hands over his brother's body and lick his skin and take him as far as you can because you know he's the only Winchester you'll ever be able to touch.

XXVII.

When you want to back out and craw away to die Lilith reminds you that you're unwanted and useless and that he'd never keep you anyways.

XXVIII.

The pure hatred in his eyes when he looks at you seals the deal.

XXIX.

You tug and kiss and dance and steal all of what you can from the younger one because you can no longer feel and for once, it's a blessing.

XXX.

You stop picking up hazel-eyed men in bars.

They're nothing compared to the real thing.

XXXI.

When you come it's no longer his name at the edge of your – no, not yours, never yours – tongue but a part of you still wishes it was.

XXXII.

You're proud at how well you are at this game and marvel at how easily broken the pieces turn out to be.

XXXIII.

You push the last piece off the edge and almost can't contain your joy when you're the one chosen in the end.

XXXIV.

You resist the urge to rub it in his face.

He no longer matters.

XXXV.

When the seal snaps open and it's all coming undone is when you allow the pain to hit and the guilt and grief because it's better late than never.

XXXVI.

You keep your eyes trained on him as he slides your knife into you – her – and as you feel yourself slip away you can't help but be grateful he's the last thing you see.


End file.
